I am a Pilgrim, not a Tourist!

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It is a challenge and a hair-raising experience to go on a pilgrimage. It’s not an ordinary travel just because we paid an enormous amount of money to travel in luxury and be catered to. I join a pilgrimage because … Continue reading

Sometime the hating has to stop.

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For Valentine’s Day, I wanted to watch a movie that would make my heart all warm and fuzzy as I nurse the dreaded flu that I am afflicted with for the past three days. Our library has a wide range … Continue reading

Think, Listen, Wait, Try, Earn, Forgive

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There is always a reason whatever that may be. But thoughts are funny for some reasons just do not make sense.

I will use myself as an example. And this is the bubble of my thoughts.
Before

I post. I trash. I post. I trash. Repeat.

Can I anticipate the maddening process of my brain? Yes, most of the time.

I wonder if Hemingway’s bubbling thoughts is similar to me. Did he learn to forgive?

Forgiveness has no limitation

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“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr. Forgiveness is not so easy. It’s easier said than done. But once it’s done, forgiveness is transforming. Citing the forgiveness statement of the victims … Continue reading

Get used to the bear behind you.

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Paul Cronin’s book of conversations with filmmaker Werner Herzog is called Werner Herzog – A Guide for the Perplexed. On the back cover of the book, Herzog offers a list of advice for filmmakers that doubles as general purpose life … Continue reading

The answer to a question

Vancouver BCFor years I have honored, in silence, this season of endings and beginnings.

To share one’s own suicide attempt is harrowing; it brings up deeply polarizing emotions. There are many who believe that those who have committed suicide are selfish, mentally ill, weak, cowardly. These labels come from grief too heavy to bear. If you carry this stigma, who you are today is shadowed by who you were in a moment of losing your way.

On November 22, International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, across the world women and men come together to mourn their heart-breaking losses and celebrate those lives that ended too soon.

Many will not take part in this community. Biologically we are wired for survival, and when someone attempts to die, executes that attempt and dies, the balance is disrupted. We celebrate, and rightly so, the resilience of the fighter who wins against all odds.

The healing […]

I needed to forgive myself. Forgive myself for not knowing how to go forward, forgive myself for giving up hope, forgive myself for being ashamed and guilty year after year.

I needed to forgive myself for not trusting my intuition and not holding up the flickering light of my inner resources when the shadows closed in.

I needed to forgive myself for an eviscerating eating disorder that broke me down and drove me to that night. I needed to forgive myself for the self-destruction of my body, forgive myself for believing that I was worthless and deserved all of the abuses at my biological parents’ hands.

I needed to forgive myself for not honoring how strong I had been, for having the courage to leave behind a biological tribe and find my place in the world.

I needed to forgive myself for having tried to take away the spark that is a divine gift, and I needed to forgive myself for hurting me, for hurting my soul already crushed by others. I needed to forgive myself for having not held myself up and refused anything but love, compassion and being seen.

Forgiveness brought me home; it allowed me to call back the part of me that had fled in terror during those three days in a coma; welcome back each beautiful and unique part of myself I had attempted to destroy — in heart-breaking parallel to those who had oppressed me physically, spiritually, and emotionally and attempted to break my spirit.

Source: On Being with Krista Tippett: Survivor’s Account
Contributor: Rebekha Cowell

Coming to Terms

Pride?  There is no pride when it comes to having a peaceful relationship. It’s easier for me to shallow my pride: it’s not Forgivenessfattening.  I will be the first one to say I’m sorry in order to make peace even though I am very much aware that it’s not my fault nor it’s anyone’s fault.  Pointing a finger does not help.

How many times do I have to apologize?  Once, twice, thrice or maybe 7 times 7 as the good book says.

Word, ancient word I used now has meaning that is entirely different.  What do I know about English definition? Can I not use the phrase “Are you happy and gay?”  Gay is no longer a good word today, apparently not for it has offended the other person.  The word “gay”  has a negative connotation.

Apologize if I must, face to face.  Follow it up in writing.  “I apologize for making you feel awkward and I am sorry that it hurt you. What can I do to make you feel better?” Still that is not enough.  Apology not accepted and I have to bring it to the light and tell the people who are in a position.

I feel condemned.  I know the matter is not over and it will come back to me like a freight train.  The train came; I jumped into it and pushed the brake as hard as I could.  But the damage is done.

In the end, in front of the judges, I said “I forgive you for not being able to forgive me.”

“Come to terms quickly with your accuser while the two of you are on the way to court, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison.  Truly, I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.” ~ Matthew 5. 17-37

Painting:  The Father’s Love by Lyn Deutsh via A-MUSED
Dearest Daughter and February 2014 Monthly Peace Challenge