My New Primary Doctor

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doctorQ: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

  1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…
  5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

source: e-mail chain

How a tweet can bring out the twit in you.

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A young deer was spotted roaming downtown Vancouver Tuesday morning, sparking concern for the animal’s safety. It spread like wildfire through tweets. First tweet:  Something you don’t typically see in downtown Vancouver – a young deer on Granville Street. From … Continue reading

Wretched Writers Welcome

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I am changing 3Ps to 3Ws (Wretched Writers Welcome) by joining Bulwer-Lytton since I am not much of a writer because English is my second language. In this site, maybe I might win the Dishonorable Mention Award should I join their contest. … Continue reading

Literal Definition of Literally.

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Since English is my second language, I think and speak in literal terms, literally.  I followed this article for the longest time and I find it humorous. ‘Literally’ literally means what now?  CNN Living (CNN) — This is going to give grammarians … Continue reading

An Italian Poem ~ SpicchieRicordi

I am always curious about post written in different languages and I came across with “SpicchieRicordi” written by In Sense of You.  I asked the writer to translate it for me and she was happy to do it.  I am even happier to read in English.  In doing so, I am sharing with you the English translation. 
In Sense of You

In Sense of You

 If fruits don’t exist
we don’t belong at the circle of Collect
Looking for symmetric balance
of perfumes and trolley line
Taking care to exalt cloves
that a cut and a push don’t break their turgor.
 Is the aesthetics note from Genesis’ time
and otherwise or likewise dignified of an usual aestheticism too
Alarming is the need of understand if keep it together or disjoin it
and this is not like to tell or to do
for bitter Bud
A scaffolding of tough choices. 
 
For the original version, please visit In Sense of You.  Thank you for the English translation.