My New Primary Doctor

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doctorQ: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

  1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
  4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…
  5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

source: e-mail chain

1 out of my 16 personalities

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personality-test-entertainerI just found out that I will make you smile! Only Carl D’Agostino can make you smile.

Didn’t I just write about my unipolar personality for the whole week when I participated in Let’s Talk? I thought I will become as famous as Clara Hughes. Instead, my STATS flatlined!

According to this personality test, I am an entertainer with the following characteristic traits:

  • An introverted mind that determines how I interact with my environment.
  • Observant energy where I direct my mental capacity.
  • My nature is closer to 60% feeling in decision-making and coping with my emotions.
  • My tactical approach is less judgmental and more on the prospective side in work, planning, and decision-making.
  • And this is BIG, it describes identity. Identity underpins all of the above. It tested that I have no identity crisis. Meaning, I am assertive.

Huh? Really? This is so uncouth.

Go ahead. Try your personality test and let me know how accurate this is for you.

The Question

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no-man-no-problem

I am not the only single person in the world. There are a lot of us. People are always curious about our love life and they ask:

when are you going to get married?
who are you seeing?
how come you are not married?
are you gay?
it goes on….

Now, how do we stop our friends and families from asking?

Source : Urban Etiquette by Ellen Vanstone at Metro News

Thank Goodness It’s Wednesday

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I told my sisters not to shop on their trip to Holy Land and pay more attention to the real purpose of their pilgrimage: to walk where Jesus walked. So, instead, they sent me a photo of what they could … Continue reading

Calvin and Hobbes would be perfect in Cuba

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In the mind of Calvin and Hobbes, they could easily fly anywhere they want to be. Imagine them riding this catapult and thrown into oblivion and beyond! One of the belief system in Cuba is to call on a witch … Continue reading

Can’t face another Monday!

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These penguins clearly couldn’t face being photographed by Charles Kinsey, so they hid their heads – completely   Enter the competition for free through the website http://www.comedywildlifephoto.com. Conservation through Competition   The deadline for entries is October 1, 2016, and … Continue reading

Church service in the future

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PASTOR:   “The Lord be with you!” CONGREGATION :  “And with your spirit” PASTOR:   “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Corinthians, 13:13.  And please switch on your Bluetooth to … Continue reading

Road Sign: Beaver in Utero Just Ahead

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An American traveled to Canada and had difficulty understanding our road signs. He came up with a name for this sign. ‘Beaver in utero just ahead.‘ Actual meaning of the sign: Parks Canada The more he traveled in our country, the weirder … Continue reading

Psychologically speaking, age is a game.

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Ask kids how old they are and they will tell you the truth. They are honest about their age. Using their tiny fingers; they will show you the exact number. When kids learn philosophy, age is about “almost” three or … Continue reading

Proverbs

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WisdomA 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

  • Don’t change horses …until they stop running.
  • Strike while the …bug is close.
  • It’s always darkest before …Daylight Saving Time.
  • Never underestimate the power of …termites.
  • You can lead a horse to water but …How?
  • Don’t bite the hand that …looks dirty.
  • No news is …impossible.
  • A miss is as good as a …Mr.
  • You can’t teach an old dog new …Math.
  • If you lie down with dogs, you’ll …stink in the morning.
  • Love all, trust …Me.
  • The pen is mightier than the …pigs.
  • An idle mind is …the best way to relax.
  • Where there’s smoke there’s …pollution.
  • Happy the bride who …gets all the presents.
  • A penny saved is …not much.
  • Two’s company, three’s …the Musketeers.
  • Don’t put off till tomorrow what …you put on to go to bed.
  • Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and …You have to blow your nose.
  • There are none so blind as …Stevie Wonder.
  • Children should be seen and not …spanked or grounded.
  • If at first you don’t succeed …get new batteries.
  • You get out of something only what you …See in the picture on the box.
  • When the blind lead the blind …get out of the way.
  • A bird in the hand …is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

  • Better late than … Pregnant!

Hat tip: Weezie
Image Credit: Love, Live and Laugh
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Instructions for installing a husband

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Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband … Continue reading

Best things in life.

It’s so funny to see it from Buzzfeed’s point of view and I can totally relate to this. One doesn’t have to be a Filipino-American, I’m sure other non Filipino-American can find similarities.

Oh, yes, I speak with my eyebrows, I point with my lips, I have a nickname, I eat with my hands, I have a huge family, related to a lot of people (I try to be anonymous and I deny my relationship with them), I use vinegar for saw-saw (dip), etcetera.

Literal Definition of Literally.

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Since English is my second language, I think and speak in literal terms, literally.  I followed this article for the longest time and I find it humorous. ‘Literally’ literally means what now?  CNN Living (CNN) — This is going to give grammarians … Continue reading

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Pope vs Pope

Pope Francis is from Argentina
Pope Benedict is from Germany
Rumour has it
One is praying
One is nervous

This is SOOOO happening
in Rome on Sunday

Twitter: The Jesuit Post

Question:  Pardon my ignorance on sports:  Is there such thing as Hail Mary Pass in soccer?

Never enough

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NatGeo Kisses

Kisses

“Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!”
― Bill Watterson