Filling the hole in our heart.

They say dogs love you, cats own you. Maybe so.

Cats are just as loving as dogs. They are love, oozing with so much love to give and receive. With their love, we become captives. I had two cats, Maurice and Lucy. Between Maurice, Lucy and I there is plenty of love to share including Adi, our neighbor’s cat.

Maurice and Lucy were inseparable.

Then Maurice died on 4th of July 2016.

When I brought home Maurice’s ashes in a mother of pearl jar, placed it on the table, Lucy sat beside it for the longest time, rubbing her face on it, marking it. Does she know the content of it? Maybe she does. Maybe this is her way of saying hello and goodbye to Maurice. Cats are intuitive animals.

Filled with grief, I don’t know how to console Lucy and Adi. Cats have feelings, too. Even my family and neighbors grieved for him and still do. Maurice is part of our family and community. There are well-wishers that expressed their sympathy by saying he is in a better place. That statement is pointless to a grieving person for there is no better place but above ground.

Mother Teresa, Adi’s human, wanted to bury Maurice in the garden and transplant her Hebe on top of it. I don’t mind. I allowed her to do the honor to help her with grieving process. Teresa is his second mother. He loves spending time over at her place just as much Adi loves coming over at mine when I go to work.

Maurice was a big cat and was amazing to see his remains in a small jar that fits in my pocket.  It was hilarious when Teresa asked me where is Maurice. I responded: “In my pocket.” Tears of laughter or grief came rolling out of her eyes.

It was a sunny day when we buried him.

A year went by; Lucy clings to me like velcro the way she clung to Maurice. If I truly know how to perceive cat’s emotion, her eyes seem to have a twinge of sadness. Maybe it’s my sadness that Lucy feels.

As for Adi, he comes daily to be Lucy’s big brother but he is indifferent towards her. He loves Maurice. Now he took over Maurice’s hiding spot, in the closet on top of my luggage.

Between me and Teresa, we nurture the garden the same way we take good care of our cats. The hole in our heart is gradually closing as Lucy, Adi, Teresa and I continue to cherish our lives together.


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