Experiment this and you will fall in love.

Modern Love

Art work at Italian Cultural Centre, Vancouver BC, Canada

Dr. Aron’s study is fascinating and she always wanted to try it. She did.

The study: A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.

Now, find your subject and good luck!

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

To Fall In love with anyone, do this New York Times Modern Love column written by Mandy Len Cantron. She teaches writing at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver.

23 thoughts on “Experiment this and you will fall in love.

  1. This is really interesting! And to think, I went online and posted a personal (which in the space of 10 minutes got 50 desperate hits). I weeded out the obvious crazies and came down to 3. The first two when I spoke to on the phone, didn’t like their voices. The third one, I liked his voice. Fifteen years ago, on Valentine’s day, we became engaged. We are still married and still best friends and newly weds. Not every one ends up being so blessed.

    • What a wonderful story. I used to write to those kinds of ads not that I am looking because I enjoy corresponding as pen pals. You are so blessed to find your mate. Wishing more years to come. ❤

      • I actually did this on a whim, Perpetua. AOL used to have online personals and one day, I just decided, what’s to lose? I had never done such a thing before. I was single and enjoyed being single but something was pushing me. And I ended up with my sweet guy. got married for the first and only time at 49! So as you can see, I wasn’t really looking. ❤ ❤ have you heard anything from Bels? I haven't seen anything posted for awhile.

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