“if you’re happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.”

How to be alone  by Tanya Davis

(For Sound, click on this.)

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.

Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there are always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting life is magic things in reach.

And it doesn’t mean you’re not connected, that communities’ not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn’t get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it

If your heart is bleeding make the best of it

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

(Note: the italics and bold are emphasis that I want to remember and meaningful to me)

33 thoughts on ““if you’re happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.”

  1. … and really. How are we to recognize ourselves if we don’t spend some time together, in our own thoughts and feelings? So much truth in your post, Perpetua! Thank you for the reminder.

  2. I love all these ideas! Thank you Seeker. I had to learn to be alone after going from relationship to relationship. Part of my healing was not to date anyone for a year. I learned a lot about living in my own skin, lol! Blessings, Diana

    • Ms. Diana. Healing will come, baby steps. And the next thing you know, you wonder where did that pain go? God has a way of sending good words from others. Peace out. Seeker.

  3. I like the way you present this: baby steps. I pesonally love being alone. I like traveling alone, don’t mind eating alone, and prefer going to the movies alone. You know what I’ve learned along the way? No one even notices. If you think they’re talking about you sitting at a table and snickering because you don’t have a dnner companion — know that they don’t even notice.

  4. I find solitude purifying and comforting. I am no stranger to solitude and am, actually, good friends with solitude. We are so enured to thinking we must always be connected/interacting/jabbering/talking/moving/doing – solitude is not loneliness or being separate. it is a restful and peaceful contentment – being at peace with ones self, the universe, with God. I embrace solitude and company in the same way I embrace sunlight and rain.

      • I always say, treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. thank you for reading my comment. Late at night, when the house is silent and i’m in my chair and my cat on my lap asleep, I feel at peace with the universe. I often use that time to pray and give thanks to God.

      • No, thank you for commenting. I cannot comment immediately because I wanted to meditate and contemplate on them. They are just too beautiful and I am out of words how to express it. That sounds so peaceful. For sure, God is closer to you at that moment. Blessings. Perpetua.

  5. Ah, the profoundness to start Friday; thank you, as always! Your post reminds me of an outdoor art fair I attended a few years ago. There were so many paintings with people, people and objects, people and people, and, well, you get the idea. I came across a booth whose artist stood before me, all black and white photographs adorning the makeshift walls. Each picture portrayed what could be construed as a ‘lonely’ scene; an old, road-side gas station at night, in the middle of nowhere. I smiled, nodded in understanding to the artist and said, “I love the serenity of your pictures.” Solace in strange places. How grateful! Cher xo

    • Solace in strange places and the serenity of pictures. That is a good idea. One has to stop describing the art through the eyes, heart and soul not the brain. Cheers to you, Cher!

      • I feel that serenity when I see pictures or visit places that some might say, oh, that’s a ‘lonely planet’ kind of moment. No, it’s the time to re-energize the batteries I think. Awh, and cheers to you too!! Cher xo

  6. Wow! The first silent read was enchanting and powerful. THEN…I noticed the link and clicked on it…the second listen to the words spoken, the beautiful voice, the beautiful musical notes is spine tingling. Thanks! what a find to start this day…

    • BP, thank you for pointing this out. I decided to put a note click on this for sound. Also, one of the links has YouTube. The video is just enchanting and powerful. Have a blessed Sunday.

  7. Being alone and ‘not feeling lonely’ can happen to a person who spends some time on meditative practices. In one of our self-development program the participants have to be in “Maun” (Silence) – no cell phones no TV 🙂 The program duration is for 4 days and in the end we all feel peaceful in the Mind.
    Thank you for this beautiful post!

    • D, meditation will get you out of yourself, being introspective. The Silence brings serenity. Ah love that four days of silent retreat. Thank you for reading.

  8. Thanks for the wonderful post, very inspirational. I am just now starting to see that being alone isn’t all that bad, and that we can really take alone time and change our lives for the better by finding happiness, love, and peace within ourselves.

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